#one: i love james acaster

[formerfbiagentbatman]

Fun Fact That Is Completely Useless: on the Off Menu podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster, they had a episode with Louis Theroux. In the beginning portion, Louis said that he liked the challenge of being able to resist filling up on bread.

they need to stop giving you bread with butter at restaurants before your actual meal. nobody can survive that test.

[hornedavies]

i love season 15 so much, all the tasks were s-tier in quality and the vibe was so fun and cute and their chemistry was amazing

[algea]

Ghoul School (pt 2)

prompt: when you get out of the hospital, Lars has put it onto himself to take care of you until you're healed. I can confirm that there is a big chuck of text where you're really pissed off at him before he gets his shit together!

warnings: tbh i literally dont even know. umm yeah your shin is broken and you're concussed so. things may or may not get a little steamy...cussing duh

a/n: im super mega surprised all my Lars stuff has gotten popular; i think it’s very insanely unhealthy how much i love James Acaster.

~ there are a LOT of little secret references to James in here, comment what you picked out ;)

~ also this is probably longer than the first part idk, but its officially the longest post ive written @jesssuperwholock03

~requested by @thestralluvr

Lars visited you everyday. Every morning, every evening after work, sometimes even over his lunch breaks, like clockwork. You were beginning to think it was seriously unhealthy. You were lying in the hospital bed, 4 days after the incident, with your eyes closed. You heard a soft click of the door and you cracked your eyes slightly. You, being oh-so-surprised, were met with the tired face of your crush colleague and work partner. He wore his jumper tied around his waist, a dark colored button up adorning his body. His hair looked disheveled, which could only mean he had just finished a job. He looked so tired, more tired than you've ever seen him be. It was annoying, honestly. Annoying how attractive he was without even trying. 'Why can't I look like that' you thought to yourself, mentally frowning. You decided to acknowledge his presence, seeing how he took time, again, out of his day to come and visit you.

"Lars." You stated, turning your head look over at him. Lars froze, gazing down at your solemn face. You started to reach out to him, but thought otherwise and rested your hand back on the crisp sheets. You watched as he pushed his glasses up and pulled a chair to sit beside you. Lars rested his forearms on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped.

"I was told that you'll be able to get out of here today." He whispered, his tired eyes searching your face. He was desperate for you to come back, back to how things used to be, where he would tease you, and you would always find witty comeback. But he knew you couldn't, not for a while at least. Lars was so scared you weren't going to be able to work for Ghost Corps anymore, especially since the concussion you got really fucked up your head. Not to mention your shin, which was a huge impact on you.

Lars let out a shaky breath. He unclasped his hands and ran one through his hair. You reached out, more confidently this time, and rested your hand on his. He didn't move his hand; he was scared if you let go, you'd disappear.

"Lars." You said again, your face flashing with worry. Your other hand softly touched his chin, holding his face so delicately.

"I'm scared that you're not going to come back." Lars stated, grimacing at the words that flew out of his mouth.

"Why wouldn't I come back? What made you think this?" You asked, your eyebrows drawing together in a sad furrow.

"I want things to be the same, I don't want things to change." He whispered quietly, his eyes cast down.

"I think you and I both know that it won't be the same, neither of us want to admit it. Normally, you don't go around kissing people and pretend like you hate each other for the rest of your life." You explained, searching his eyes for an answer. His eyes glanced back at you as his cheeks burned with pink. You tipped his head to the side ever so slightly, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone.

"That's unfair, Lars. You can't expect me to leave you alone after that." You pleaded.

"Can we just drop it? It really doesn't fucking matter right now.” Lars snapped. You drew your hand away from his face, hurt flashing across your face.

“What I meant was that we should focus on getting you out of here.” He frantically explained. He reached for your hand, but you pulled away again. Lars had never felt an emotion like this. His ears were ringing and his brain was hazy. It could’ve only been described as embarrassment. He wouldn't cry, no, that's not what he wanted to do. He wanted to apologize over and over again until you'd forget he ever did anything or said anything.

“I think it's maybe time for you to go. When I get out, do me a favor and send Lucky and Pheebs to get me.” You muttered, looking down at your hands. Lars sat there for a few moments, his jaw clenched. He wanted to say something, anything, to make you understand how he felt. Instead, he got up and, with a longing gaze down at you, left.

You felt hot tears sting your eyes, which you allowed to fall down your cheeks. If he wanted to play that dumbass game again, you could do it, just not like you used to. You didn't realize that you were holding your breath until he walked out of the door, not looking back. You slammed your hand down on the bed in a fit of rage, which turned into a soft cry. You wished that you could make better sense of it all, but your wishes never came true.

It was only 2 hours after that you were discharged. Lucky and Phoebe, just as you had requested, rushed in to see you as soon as they could.

"Y/N!" Phoebe exclaimed, running to you and giving you a big hug. You smiled and hugged her back, or at least as much as you could with your crutches. Lucky joined in on the hug before you parted and started making your way to the car.

"Everyone is so happy you're coming home! We've all been super worried." Phoebe smiled, giving you a big smile.

"I'm so happy I get to see you guys again, Pheebs." You grinned back, ruffling her hair. Your mind wandered to Lars as you crutched your way to the car.

"Has um..." You started, realizing that the words were harder to get out of your mouth than you thought.

"He's not here. I haven't seen him since we went out this morning." Lucky explained, catching on to what you were about to ask. You looked down and nodded. 'Of course, how could I be so goddamn stupid.' You thought. Phoebe helped you into the car while Lucky set your crutches next to you. Trevor was driving, which was a whole other risk to be taking.

"Since when did they let you drive?" You asked, grinning at Trevor.

"Since Lars bailed at the last minute. I'm a great driver, so I have no idea what you're even talking about." Trevor bragged. 'He bailed at last minute? He never does that...' You thought sadly. He could've just been working really hard on whatever science thing he was studying. You really didn't know, but it did cut a little.

You didn't know you were carsick until you let Trevor drive you home. You thought Lars was a bad driver, but you quickly realized that Trevor was on the list of 'Never-Ever Drive Me Again,' along with Gary and Ray. You made a mental note of that as you struggled to stand to get out of the car. Trevor quickly rushed to your side to help you, easily pulling you up. You casted your gaze up, which fell on the Firehouse. 'Oh good, he won't be here.' You thought, as a feeling of relief washed over you. You hobbled in next to Phoebe and Trevor with Lucky trailing in not far behind. Callie and Gary stood right after the door, waiting for your arrival. As soon as you entered the Firehouse they were by your side, giving you warm 'hello's' and 'I'm so happy you're back and ok.' You were quick to hug them, hoping to talk to them about your situation with Lars.

"Alright kiddos, time to let the adults talk." Gary clapped, shooing away the smaller kids.

"Hey but I'm not-!" Trevor started, but was dragged away by Lucky. You three sat down around a table. It was silent for a moment as you tried to say what was on your mind.

"Did he come see you?" Callie asked, leaning in close.

"He came and saw me everyday. Sometimes up to three times." You whispered, your hands clasped together. Callie and Gary looked at each other.

"But when he came and saw me this morning, he was different. He was super moody, and got upset when I tried to confront him about kissing me like you said for me to do. I don't know if he doesn't like confrontation or if he, yknow, might be seeing someone else." You went on, nervously biting your nails.

"Y/N, I seriously doubt that there's many women who actually like Lars, much less want to even date him." Gary said, using his left hand to talk. 'Is he right? But I'm sure women think Lars is attractive.' You thought, scrunching your eyebrows together.

"I'm pretty certain that you're like the only woman he's ever talked to in a romantic way, probably even the only woman he’s ever even talked to." Callie confirmed.

"Either way, he likes you. We all know that." Gary finished. You were really hoping he was right, otherwise you were a fool being played.

You chatted for a little while longer, mostly about anything and everything that came to mind. After a while, you told them that you were ready to head home.

"I'll drive you home." Callie said, standing up and grabbing the keys. The ride home was filled with you and Callie singing awful 80's songs, the vast majority of them by Tears for Fears. That was something that cleaned your soul and freed your mind a while. Callie helped you into your apartment before she left with a hug and a warm 'see you soon.' You were seriously hoping that your torture would end.

After a day, you got restless. So restless that you decided to go back to the lab and start working again. Yes, it was idiotically stupid. No, you weren't going to listen to anyone and take a break. Honestly it was going to happen anyways. You walked into the lab the first day, partially hoping that Lars was going to be there, but alas he wasn't. You felt disappointment but you were hopeful that you'd see him tomorrow. Except you didn't. More days past by and you hadn't seen any sign of Lars in the lab at all. You were starting to get more and more worried.

It had been more than a week and you hadn’t seen Lars since. Concern was growing and you were growing weary waiting for him to return. It was extremely hard taking care of yourself, especially since you had to trek a long ways to get yourself to your car outside of your apartment. Finally, you decided it was time to go see Lars. It pissed you off so much that you were running to him, instead of him coming to you. You knew his place, mostly because you, Phoebe, Trevor, and Lucky would sometimes prank him by doing something so absurd he would tremble with anger. That was back when you had your little schoolgirl crush on him, before you realized that you loved him.

You decided to walk, opting for the fact that he knows your car all too well. You weren’t even sure if he was there, you really didn’t even bother checking to see in your group FindMy. You didn’t even bother use your crutches because they were stupid anyways, you could walk just find even though you had a little limp. God you just wanted to fucking punch his stupidly handsome face. He made your blood boil so much.

You were only a few blocks from from his house when it started to rain. Not just a light rain, but a pour. You grew a little worried for your cast, but continued on. You were completely drenched by the time you were on his doorstep. Even worse, it was cold out. You stood on his doorstep for a minute before you started to knock on his door. You breathed out, seeing your own breath in the air. You were so cold. No one answered, which was pretty typical for Lars. He was probably standing in the kitchen, not going to open the door.

"Lars!!" You yelled, knocking on the door some more. Water dripped from your face and you shivered again. The door still didn't open. You sighed and started walking away, the pouring rain drenching you again. You started to tread back to your apartment when you heard a loud bang and turned your head. There Lars was, standing in the doorway, eyes wide as he stared at you.

"Y/N!" Lars yelled back, meeting you in the rain. He craned his head to look down at you, his hands flying to meet your face.

"What are you doing here?" He said, his thumb swiping at your cheek.

"I came to see you. Where the fuck have you been, Lars Pinfield?!" You boomed, your right hand gripping the front of his shirt. His head dropped and he closed his eyes.

"I...I couldn't face you after that dumb shit I pulled. I wanted to apologize, really I did, but I couldn't bring myself to face you." Lars explained, his breath creating a misty cloud. All that either of you could do was stare at each other incredulously.

“Are you fucking stupid? I’ve wanted to see you all week, but your dumbass wouldn’t show up. Jesus Christ Lars, do you have any clue how much I’ve missed you? You’re so goddamn unfair you know that?!” You screamed, pounding on his chest. Lars’ hands moved from your face to your waist, holding you steady while you angrily punched him. He could only see you through his hair, which now stuck to his forehead, and his rain covered glasses which were fogging up. He was freezing, but all he could ever think about was you. How cold were you? Why would you sacrifice your time, hell, your health to come see him. He really couldn’t understand it. He couldn’t comprehend why someone would ever do that for someone. You would think with him being such a genius he would figure it out, however some people can be dense. But he realized that you were giving up all your time to invest in him. So, he decided that he needed to do the same.

"Do you think, maybe, that you'd want to spend the rest of your life, with me, maybe not just hating each other. And maybe not while hating each other, you'd like to be with me, y'know, for a long while?" Lars whispered, causing you to stop throwing punches. You looked up at him, in all his rain drenched glory. God, he looked so beautiful. You began to tremble, your hands lifting to capture his face with them. Lars breath quickened, his large hands gripping your waist. His hazy blue eyes captured yours, holding you in his everlasting gaze.

"Lars..." You murmured, swiping your thumb across his bottom lip. It was soft, softer than you thought it would've been. You found yourself daydreaming again about kissing him, though you'd never let him know how many times you've done it. You realized how close you were after you felt his breath against your cheek. You leaned in closer, pressing your chest against his. It was like something out of a movie, the way time stopped then. When your lips pressed against his, your body shuddered. It was like fireworks went off inside of you, making you all jittery and excited. Lars' hands slipped from your waist to your ass, softly gripping the flesh there. You slipped your fingers into his blond locks, tugging lightly. You heard a light groan rumble from his chest as he pressed into you further.

You weren't sure if the rain mixed with the cold had made you delirious, but after Lars had pulled away, it made him look even hotter. His tousled, wet hair, his lips that were red after the kiss, the ruby flush that adorned his cheeks and ears, and his half-lidded eyes made him even more beautiful. You found yourself feeling heat creep up through your neck to your cheeks as he stared down at you.

“Shit, right, you need to get inside, now.” Lars commanded, dragging you towards the door.

“Lars—!” You exclaimed, eyes widening as he basically picked you up. Your hands fly to grip the shirt on his back as you hoists you over his shoulder. He muttered a few things under his breath as he strolled to the door, obviously not caring that the rain was coming down harder. Lars opened the door, set you down, and shut the door with the heel of his shoe.

“Give me a second.” He commanded, leaving you standing in the foyer. You shivered and looked around, noticing some things that seemed quite out of place. Lars had multiple different band posters framed and hung up around the house, most of them signed. You could pick out a few like Pindrop, Temps, and the Timewasters. You also found multiple different movie titles like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and other things. ‘Interesting’ You thought as you took in your surroundings. Lars appeared again with a towel and some sort of clothes he had found for you to wear.

“If you fuck up my good clothes, I’m kicking your ass to the curb again.” Lars sighed, throwing the towel at you.

“Whatever, brainiac.” You bit back, trying to hold back your grin as you shoved past him. That earned a scoff and an eye roll from Lars.

“Washroom is down the right hall, second door to the left.” He called, peaking down at you as you went to change.

Lars had never had a girl in his house before. Other than the times his mother and sister had come over from Britain, obviously. His “outside” friends insisted that he bring a girl home, but he couldn’t ever bring himself to when he could only think of you. It made him a little giddy knowing that you were here with him. It was like a fever dream, if he woke up it all would be gone. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure that there was a way to prove that this was real. Lars found himself wondering if you liked how his house was decorated, the clothes he brought you, even the way the house smelt. At the thought of these, he began to worry that you didn’t like it here. Those thoughts were denied when you waddled back from the bathroom, furiously rubbing at your hair to dry it. It was silly, really. Lars thought you looked a little too good in his clothes. His Temps T-shirt was too big for you, and his plaid pj pants were rolled a few times to even try and fit you.

“You look stupid in that.” Lars scoffed once more, looking anywhere but your face.

“Hey man, you picked this out. Don’t blame me for your shit style.” You tried back. A hint of a smile could be found dawning his face. You smirked and poked his cheek.

“Is that a smile I see? Is the Lars Pinfield smiling in my presence?” You giggled, covering your mouth with your hand to fake gasp.

“No, it isn’t.” He replied, the smile growing wider on his face.

“It so totally is!!! Lars Pinfield is literally smiling right in front of me!” You exclaimed. He shook his head.

“Shut up. Anyways, I’m getting changed, don’t fucking break anything.” Lars sighed, sliding past you.

“You can put on anything, just as long as it’s not some stupid BritCom.” He added, shutting the door to his room.

“Who even watches BritComs…” You muttered to yourself. Walking back into the main foyer, you sat down on the sofa, which was surprisingly nice compared to how you thought your scientist boyfriend colleague lived. You sat down and flicked through the channels, stopping on whatever stupid romcom movie was on. You sighed and put your chin in your hand, anticipating the snappy response of ‘this is the shittiest movie I’ve ever seen.’

“Hey.” You heard from above you. Looking up, you saw Lars resting his elbows on the top of the sofa next to you.

“Hi.” You peeped back. Secretly, you were gawking at him. Lars wore a pair of white sweatpants and a black shirt. You’ve never seen him in casual wear, but you were absolutely loving it right now. His glasses weren’t pushed up, loosely sitting below the bridge of his nose, and his hair was still damp. If this wasn’t heaven, you didn’t know what was.

“What’re we watching?” He asked, glancing down at you. You shivered when his eyes locked on to yours.

“Some stupid romcom, you probably won’t like it anyways.” You answered.

“You’re right, I’ll probably think it’s super shitty, but I’ll watch it anyways.” He sighed, tipping his head towards you. You reached up and placed a kiss on his lips. Lars scrunched his eyebrows and sighed. After you pulled away, you patted the seat beside you, beckoning him to sit down. He all but scrambled to get next to you, plopping down with another big sigh.

“How’s your leg?” Lars asked once more, motioning to it with his eyes.

“It has definitely seen better days.” You replied earnestly. He nodded in sincerity, then turned his attention back to whatever you were watching. You looked over at him again before reaching over and slipping your hand into his. He didn't move, so you considered it a win. Taking matters into your hands again, you slid closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. Lars' head rested on top of yours immediately and you smiled as he snuggled in closer. You could smell whatever cologne he was wearing, a citrusy, vanilla smell.

"You smell good." You muttered, looking up at him through your lashes. Lars didn't reply, but you could definitely imagine the look on his face. That little embarrassed smile with a scarlet blush dusting his cheeks. You found yourself becoming a little sleepy as you settled in. Blinking a few times, you tried to wake yourself up, but that only made you even more sleepy. Unintentionally, you started to fall asleep. As you drifted off to sleep, you could hear Lars mutter something to you, but you didn't respond.

Somehow, in the middle of the night, you had moved from the sofa, to Lars' bed. Now you only had 2 options as to how you got there. 1. You sleep walked to the bed and magically laid down, or 2. Lars had carried you there. You groaned and opened your eyes, lifting a hand to rub them. You blinked a couple times and sat up. No, Lars wasn't in here. So then, where was he? You slipped out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, finding that he wasn't there either. A cup of coffee and some breakfast was left on the counter, along with a note saying,

'I'll be back later, got a couple things I need to work on at the lab. I left you some breakfast and I'm sure you can fend for yourself for lunch. Please don't burn the house down. - Lars' You smiled and picked up the coffee, finding that it was still steaming. You noticed that Lars had made the coffee the way you liked it, which meant he definitely paid attention whenever you ordered it.

After basically spending the whole day exploring Lars' house, you settled into the sofa once more with a random book you had picked out of his bookcase. Hearing keys jingle, you lifted your head from the book and saw Lars venture in. You slowly got up, minding both your head and leg, and made your way over to him.

"Hi handsome, how did work go?" You smiled at him, leaning against the doorway.

"It was...eventful. I got thrown up on by pukey." Lars sighed. You laughed and patted his shoulder.

"That was probably hilarious. I'll make dinner while you take a shower." You said, pushing him along to the bathroom.

"Mmmm, fine. But..." He started before he swooped down and kissed you. Your hand flew to his hair, giving it a nice tug. With that came a loud groan. Lars' gripped your waist and pushed you against the wall. His tongue swiped at your lips, which you gladly accepted. You snatched his glasses and tossed them away, squirming slightly as his nails dug your waist. When he pulled away he grinned,

"Looks like I'm not getting my shower in tonight."

[thenaturalfriends]

Ok this post is for me and I'm sure like ONE other person, but I am so stupidly excited that Paul Williams (Taskmaster NZ) has done multiple bits of music for the Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains podcast. He's credited solo for the intro music on the extended trailer, and then together with Sam on episode one for a bizarre theme song that mostly talks about how much Sam loves Jesus.

Given that the Jesus theme song seems likely to be a one-off, I am crossing all my fingers that we get a running bit where Sam reveals new unhinged Paul Williams colabs as the podcast goes on.

(Obligatory mention that James Acaster used two Paul Williams songs--Number One and Euroleague--as the intro music in Cold Lasagna Hate Myself 1999.)

[arrowfortea]

someone to watch me die (post-trespasser solavellan oneshot)

summary: solas, dying in lavellan's arms. runs with the idea of lavellan never having chosen any dialogue that says "i love you". *james acaster voice* made it, had a breakdown, bon appetit warnings: this can absolutely be interpreted as a dream or as reality, but solas dies. disjointed narration/"mistakes"/lack of context or efficacy are intentional. also solas dies underline, red sharpie, stone-cold conks it rating: T (16+) words: 1.4k

Throat hoarse, nose dribbling, brain burning through her face, puffy-cheeked, soaked, grotesque as a squashed-up plum, and Solas thought she was so beautiful. Tears crusted her cheeks like blood; did that happen? She wiped her cheeks. Waste of her hands, Solas deserved them both—she cupped his face. Cheekbones high and curved; Solas was so handsome, and nobody would ever read poetry about it. That didn’t seem fair. Even if she learned how to write it, or paint him, she’d do it wrong, no-one wanted to listen to her, anyway, because he would've destroyed the world.

📖 read on ao3 or here ↓

I came across an injured dove I wanted to put her out of her misery There came no signal from above No sign, no guide, I thought "whatever could this mean?" —the last beautiful thing i saw is the thing that blinded me, Paris Paloma

—

The regal swathe of fur over his armour was matted, red and black and he crumpled, hitting the ground in a clatter—face-down on the ground, babbling. Pitiful, objectively. A head, attached to a suit of armour. Blood pooling around its stomach. 

Whereas she was stone. 

“Solas?” 

A high keening noise. The figure raised its head. Saliva coated the ground. It panted. “Ma vhe.. nan.” Breaking, strained—“sathan? Ma lath, sathan—” Forehead swinging down, cracking against the slick of his own spit.

Ellana’s feet carried her up, mindless, she kneeled, rolled him; his lips, primrose pale, chapped and red-flecked, stretching over bared teeth. Shallow breaths drawn through them while his brows tightened; eyes softening, grey and wet as the stone under his head—she scooped his head in her hand, raising it.

“I won’t hurt you,” Solas groaned. “You’re safe, free to lea.. agh.”

On his stomach, a gigantic scab, a red-soaked petal, lumpy, the size of his s—Ellana gagged, and forced herself to look at his face, not away, not away from him. “What’s happening? ” 

His brows pinched close. “Ir abelas, vhenan, ” he said. Lips tightened into a smile. Twisting. “I am dying.”

“How?” Laughter. Her kneecaps ached against the ground, hands, where were her hands?  Shaking. “You’re, you’re immortal.” 

“Not invincible. My love, ah—” Solas coughed; spattering red against his furs—he coughed again, glanced at her, swallowed, grimaced—blood, blood was leaking from his mouth, over his cheek, to his ear; kissing the curve of his jaw, slitting his throat. “Ir abelas.”

“What do I—what do I do?” 

He smiled. “Do whatever you wish.”

Ellana laid beside him. 

Her face was on fire; she pressed it against the cool stone. “I don't have anything to heal you with,” she whispered. 

“Yes,” he murmured, gazing at her. “You are so.. you have always.. fenedhis, you are so beautiful, Ellana.. do you now understand how rare you are?” 

“I don’t know.” She sniffed. “I think my nose is dribbling.”

“It is,” he whispered, and smiled. “You are still perfect. Were you.. were you mine? Just for me, vhenan?”

“Of course, I w—”

“Of course.” His mouth shook; a slingshot frown threw tenderness into his eyes. “Foolish of me to have even asked. I disdain the sentiment. Ha.”

“Is this.. are you tricking me somehow, is this..”

“No.” 

“Sorry.” Ellana cupped his cheek. She’d never seen him so—“Cole could—”

“There is pain compassion cannot—”  

“Blood magi—"

“Stop,” Solas rasped, and grabbed her wrist. “Let me.. be with you, as.. please, my love, would you say my name?” 

“S—” Her eyes burned; she sniffed, humiliated. “Solas”—too thick, throaty, sounded ugly—“Sol—Solas. My—Solas, Solas.” 

“Yes,” he breathed, eyes fluttering shut. “Yes, vhenan. You are.. too good to me. How selfish I am.” Laugh descended into wheezes, flurrying in his lungs.

“Don’t go.” She wanted to strike herself, she sounded like an idiot, she ought to do something.

“I am here.” Solas opened his eyes. “I cannot.. see, that is all, I’m s—”

Hand grabbed hand moved it pressed against chest—“can you feel? Can you feel that?” 

“Yes.” He stared through her. His fingertips twitched with the beat of her heart. “The only home mine has ever wanted.”

“It’s yours,” she whimpered, and wrapped an arm around him, pulling herself closer; hip scraping against the stone. Nuzzling into the fur of his sash and wet against her stomach and fabric rustling and iron and salt and holding him close until the bones in her arms ached and

sharp as a stab wound, does he know

“Solas?”

Warm breath: “Vhenan.” Gooseprickles raced up the nape of her neck. “Vhenan.”

“I love you.” Ellana tucked her chin over his shoulder, and brushed her lips against his ear. “Ar lath ma, Solas,” she whispered.

Trailing her mouth along his cheek, she pulled back and pressed a kiss to his mouth. Flicked her tongue lightly against his lips, Fade-tongue, she smiled—and swallowed a sob. Steadied her breath, and kissed him again. He should’ve.. Ellana pulled away.

There was a wax figure of Solas, staring at her. Tears shone in his eyes. No, he was crying. 

His eyes were made of glass.

Ellana’s eyes darted over the Solas mask, blind, mind years away gagging he hadn’t stopped breathing; reason scrabbled up each knobble of her spine, scraped her skull—had he, and she missed it? Did he? Wasn’t he?  When 

Wasn’t his voice supposed to break? Body slacken? It hadn’t, so

He could be breathing, beneath the armour, even as his mouth laid still—it hadn’t moved when she k—he blinked; a tear had fallen out of his eye. 

Solas pulled her close, kissed her; they woke up and spent a year in love—

No, no, no, no no, non no ono no a tear fell so he blinked, surely, 

She called for Cole

and was on the floor again, throat hoarse, nose dribbling, brain burning through her face, puffy-cheeked, soaked, grotesque as a squashed-up plum, and Solas thought she was so beautiful. Tears crusted her cheeks like blood; did that happen? She wiped her cheeks. Waste of her hands, Solas deserved—she cupped his face. Cheekbones high and curved; Solas was so handsome, and nobody wanted to read poetry about it. That didn’t seem fair. Even if she learned how to write it, or paint him, she’d do it wrong, no-one would listen to her, anyway, because he was going to destroy the world. 

Ellana chewed her lips like a rabid animal. But didn’t want to, the back of her eyes whined, he wanted—he wanted me. I was his heart, and he’s gone. How am I still here? 

Delicate eyelashes, sun-speckled cheeks, dappled, sun-dappled.. under his eyes, half-crescent bruises.. he must’ve been so tired. You were tired, and I didn’t know. She’d thought him sad, circumstantially sad, but he’d been—mourning. This? This, forever? Mourning didn’t break his ribs apart, how do I do it?

Tears trickled to her nostrils and rested in the curve. Itched against the damp flesh of her face. Dribbled down her mouth. 

She pressed her thumb against his lower lip—soft as petal, he was pretty, had she ever told him? The arch of soft flesh inside his mouth was dry. When she released it, it flopped back. 

No . He’d tilt his head, drag his mouth against her palm, kiss it. Murmur. Roll any word she liked around his mouth, for her. Her Solas, all for her. I miss you again. Come back again.

He wasn’t cold, so he was.. warm. Only cold when he came into her bedroll, feet against her ankles, murmuring apologies into her hairline, smiling into her skin. His inexorable frown at the Crossroads. Solas wasn’t cold, just carved from marble. It’s not your fault. She met his eyes—covered them. Sorry. Her fingers trembled, splayed—the whites of his eyes were too white— sorry.

Needed to look, to memorise him, somehow, because soon he’d—a sob seized her ribs. No, she didn’t need to do anything with him. Blood magic? No. No! But nobody was ever going to look like him again, nobody would ever have.. everything about him, and he’d been hers. Were you mine? Just for me? Her jaw was shaking out of its hinges. 

He must be in the Fade, but he’d—why wouldn’t he say something, do something?

“You can knock something down,” she whispered. “Or talk, or touch me. Solas. I won’t be frightened of you.”

There must be a beyond. A paradise. Otherwise, where would he go? 

The Fade, maybe, forever? He’d like that, he couldn’t be just a body—the sob burst in her chest, shattered her ribs, wailing

“Sorry,” she gasped, hoarse breath pulling it back to a wheeze. “That was loud, ir abelas, I’m—” 

She chewed the soft fur, thinking, desperate, gagging; sorry, it’s—I’ll wash it—he used to wash her hair, when she was tired—and he’d told her that mattered—Fen’harel was Solas was nice, combed her hair, patted a towel against her skin, taught her words nobody else knew, and.. she didn’t know how to spell them ..

If she screamed, something would happen, then. The Well of Sorrows would thank her for its freedom; someone’s maker would grant one of those miracles no one believed when recounted. Or she’d wake up. Screaming herself awake always worked, eventually. Ellana squeezed her eyes shut until her vision sparked, she could feel the fat of her cheeks shaking, her gums ached. I could scream forever.

—

I never really found that dove That's just a story I made up Because I wanted all of it to stop And I didn't know how to tell you —the last beautiful thing i saw is the thing that blinded me, Paris Paloma

—

thank you for reading! i appreciate any reblogs/likes/replies/kudos on ao3 but MORESO: please consider admiring the late and great sammy the cat (2007-2021)

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

ranking all the taskmaster series cos why not lol

no one asked for this but im doing it so......

this is from least to most favourite btw! also i will say there are no series that i dislike at ALL so my least favourite is still a banger of a series it's just... the one i think about the least lol??

also featuring my fav contestant from each series & my fav moment to make this more interesting idkkk

series 3 - rob beckett - rob's accent challenge as part of one of the tasks never fails to make me cry w/ laughter lol

series 6 - liza tarbuck - the 'have fun & then repeat' task where russell does keepy uppys whilst talking about a little old lady 'rubbing herself silly' lol also always enjoy tim's pun outfit cos i nearly always forget what it was so the reveal is always delightful lol!

series 8 - joe thomas - team of 3 doing the bathtub(?) task, can't actually remember but the sibling energy between lou and iain was hysterical (& poor paul just trying to keep everything together lol)

series 14 - fern brady - not actually a funny moment, but i really love the bit in the classical music task where sarah talks about her ex who was horrible about her singing and greg says 'fuck you' to him <3 such a sweet moment that made me legit emotional

series 10 - katherine parkinson - daisy being SO furious as she says it's a HIPPO!!!! also katherine pouring water into a net lol

series 17 - nick mohammed - steve getting jumpscared by the 'mannequin' lol also one of my fav details was nick's reflection being edited out cos he was dressed as dracula lol!! the editors of the show deserve all the love and accolades tbh

series 2 - jon richardson - i feel like i should go with another moment but... it has to be joe's TRAGIC potato throw loss!!!!!

series 18 - rosie jones - every team task w/ rosie and jack lol also i'll be honest, i've only seen this series once so i can't remember a lot of details

series 15 - ivo graham - everyone doing an impression of jenny in a live task lol also every time kiell got mad (this is a common theme on this list i'm realising... i really like when people get annoyed apparently)

series 1 - tim key - watermelon task obviously!! also the flirting w/ fred the swede task

series 4 - mel giedroyc - the reveal of hugh's drawing of the woman (i can't remember her name) cracks me up so much lol also mel & the baby gap!!

series 11 - charlotte ritchie - the absolute chaos of the team of 3 doing the blindfold task, especially charlotte just running around in circles giggling and jamali standing around utterly bemused until the very end lol... also lee, dribbling poppadoms, yelling 'i've got a bafta me!'

series 5 - nish kumar - ~~ always seeing you do cool stuff ~~ also SO many quotable bob moments but we'd need to be here for a week for me to go through all that lol

series 12 - guz khan - wHO THE FUCK IS VERONICA?! (that whole riddle task, the stark difference between the two teams, literally everything guz says it's just incredible) also special mention to the wow monster (which is probably my ult fav live task lol)

series 9 - ed gamble - david doing the spoon task lol... also every single time ed got angry (which was constantly lol)

series 16 - lucy beaumont - the team of 3 hotel task 'lovely legs sir!!' i don't know if i've ever laughed as much at something maybe ever???

series 7 - james acaster - i mean... how do i pick just one? gonna go with a LIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because it was the first thing i ever heard about from the show (thanks to my sister quoting it)... honestly though i wanna list like 200 moments here

series 13 - ardal o'hanlon (the real answer is all of them tho lol) - ardal coming out with three chickens in the duck task and saying 'this is the best i can do'... also every single time alex got annoyed at bridget loool

[cementcornfield]

people i’d like to know better <3

thank you @its-always-silly-season for the tag <3 <3 <3 i will do this now to interrupt my Bengals Rage (which you know all too well)

last song: the Travis cover of Hit Me Baby One More Time lollll.

favorite color: purple! i painted my bathroom a nice Royal Plum a few months ago and i LOVE it (i was thinking it would be too dark and i have a tiny lil bathroom but there's enough white paneling and cabinets that it works super well!)

last book: oof i hate to say but it's been awhile....i reread james acasters' Perfect Sound Whatever recently because i had to rehash some feelings after rose went on his and ed's podcast (british comedian lore!)

last tv show: severance! haven't gotten too invested in anything since. i DO want to watch the pitt since overnight almost everyone on my dash has started watching lol. but i'm trying to avoid anything medical for a bit...maybe in a few months when the first season is all done and i can just binge it. also considering starting the gay fireman show IF i see that they actually go through with it.

sweet/savory/spicy: savory 100%. i barely have a sweet tooth (but i do always keep dark chocolate in the house. often the kind with sea salt on it because, savory components.)

last thing i googled: "sump pump rental" because with all this rain expected in the next week i just KNOW my basement is going to flood again (just like it did the first week of last april! i'm sensing a pattern....love my 100 year old house 🙃)

looking forward to: trey's deal getting done (IT WILL GET DONE I'M ACCEPTING NOTHING LESS). the draft so i can imagine to myself that we've Fixed the team. training camp so i can see all my boys back together <3 and then like, non fandom stuff, my sister and i are going to budapest in a few months and i've never been! also my other sister is having a baby in july so that'll be niece number 5!!!

current obsessions: bengals as always. like last year and the year before and likely next year unless my heart is irrevocably broken :')

tagging @realtapiocafan @katelyn102 @sadcanucksfan @saviorified and anyone else who may wanna do this!

[thirdtidemouse]

hilda characters in taskmaster, if this means anything to anyone:

for context, taskmaster is a show hosted by greg davies and pathetic assistant (/creator) alex horne. each series five comedians are made to do pointless and difficult tasks and are awarded points. it ends up being very very funny and very amicably argumentative.

for now, i'll do my classic 5 faves, but i would love to do more like edmund + some ocs!

hilda - starting with the kids, likely winner. i mean she is the main character, but she has those problem-solving skills and unbeatable enthusiastic spirit (which would definitely take a beating in this godawful game). i considered how different the competition might be given that they're kids? but lenny rush recently competed at 14 and he did awesome. hilda would definitely stand up for herself if she thought her score or the task was unfair but she is a good sport all round. most likely to miss the huge hidden-in-plain-sight clues. here to have fun but not fuck around. all the cheerful demeanor of rob beckett. likes to very gently make fun of alex. would never ever give up.

"what you can't take away from me is that i had an absolutely lovely day."

"people say my ADHD means i have shit problem solving skills. no sir!"

frida - nerdiness to rival josh widdicombe. knows the taskmaster's tricks and snoops all around for clues/hidden solutions. genuine competence and competitiveness of someone like sarah kendall, as indignant and argumentative as ed gamble. the one time she doesn't find the hidden alternative answer is when the main pathway is just 'do a really long maths sum to get the code for the lock' and she just gets on with it because she can. tries not to act overly proud of herself but after a particular stressful win she definitely gets up and cheers. argues with other contestants. gets very annoyed by alex and sometimes tells him to shut up.

"the only way i get out of this with any dignity is if i die right now."

[to a small plush vole] "you've got no chutzpah! your organizational skills are lacklustre, and your timekeeping is abysmal."

david - the awkward swagger of james acaster but absolutely 0 of his winning spirit. definitely a fan-favourite pathetic contestant. the show would wear his psyche down so much he would snap and end up begging for points in a total breakdown à la joe wilkinson. gets genuinely cocky after a rare win. gets very stressed out by alex and is very scared of greg. like mae martin, is initially very nonchalant about the tasks, but can become freaked out quickly. not very good at getting points. ashamed of his failures and overjoyed with his successes. most likely to be given a humiliating solo task.

"please don't take it away from me."

"well well well! looks like last in P.E., first in being a legend!"

johanna - total sweetheart, smiling all the time even when she fucks up and loses, much like charlotte ritchie. although she does fuck up and lose considerably less. less nervous though, here to have fun AND fuck around. a sally phillips approach to tasks, meaning chill as fuck, inconspicuously normal contestant, that consistently produces either the most terribly planned OR the most creatively out of pocket and deranged 'solutions', of which back in the studio she has zero explanation for and can only laugh uncontrollably as if it wasn't entirely her idea. this will inevitably win her a lot of points but she will fall short on something like charlotte ritchie's first prize task, in which she brings in all of her bedding, is told 'you can't just pick up stuff from around your house,' and is given last place. this also makes her place her head in her hands and giggle. her attitude carries charlotte's consistent likeness to a children's tv show host. zaniness and well-spoken ramblings of mike wozniak.

"when you have no other ideas, you stick to your bad idea."

"i was excited, there was fire, i'd been told to undermine a vole and i let him have it."

kaisa - will not embarrass herself for love nor money. could not give a fuck about any of you people and simultaneously is incredibly determined to win. would get increasingly distraught with the incompetence of any teammates in an ed gamble outburst. despite this, is a cooperative and hardworking teammate. would spend long periods of time in silent thought before carrying out her plan with no explanation along the way. like james acaster, does not ever say hello to alex, just because she 'doesn't have to.' generally does not like alex. to quote jamali maddix, 'he's a punk. i don't like him.' acts like a rebellious teen in the presence of greg. i have no solid outfit headcanons right now but she would wear what bridget christie wore:

"i've got three sensitivity levels! and i'll be honest, i'm on my top fucking one right now!"

"i knew we were against the clock, and i didn't give a fuck" 

and here is my final test of character - one of the most simple and most telling tasks, from the very first episode:

"eat as much of this watermelon as you can in one minute."

hilda - romesh ranganathan. upon entry of the lab, she wields the watermelon above her head and smashes it into the floor, devouring as much of it as she can. total tunnel vision. she throws up a little at the end. wins the task.

frida - josh widdicombe. enters prepared with a knife, manages to hurriedly cut and eat a portion of the watermelon, with not nearly as much vigor as hilda. is not giving up any dignity for this. 3rd place.

david - frank skinner. was not expecting a whole watermelon. manages to quickly get into the melon but falls short at his eating speed. is clearly trying not to choke. 4th place.

johanna - tim key. no utensils required. cracks it open right there on the table, eating as fast as possible, almost to the same wild and untamed degree as her daughter. is docked points because she sneaks a final bite of watermelon after the minute is up, just because she enjoys it. 2nd place.

kaisa - roisin conarty. was also not expecting a whole watermelon. total lack of urgency in comparison. leaves the room and spends 50 of her 60 seconds retrieving a knife, which she totally could have done beforehand, manages to crack open and eat a total of 9 grams of the watermelon before her time is immediately up. last place. couldnt give a fuck though

thanks for reading guys. if you have anything to add or ask then please do. peace and love

[treewizaaard]

intro/about me!! ⭐️💫

name: charlotte // vyvyan (i dont mind what u call me!!)

age: 15

pronouns: she/he/they (i dont mind again!!)

i have autism + anxiety, and being diagnosed for adhd

fav music: i LOVE ska, rock, glam metal, punk and anything really!!

fav bands/artists: madness, david bowie, queen, the beatles, bad news, ABBA, gary numan, oasis, pulp, and a lot more random shite

interests: i lovelovelove the 80s. films, music, fashion, etc!! i really love britcom too, and am currently hyperfixed on the young ones, bottom, and the comic strip presents, but ill give a proper list.

taskmaster

the young ones

bottom

the comic strip presents

outnumbered

what we do in the shadows

the traitors

philomena cunk

motherland

the mighty boosh

the it crowd

monty python

my favourite comedians:

maisie adam

sean lock

joe wilkinson

james acaster

katherine ryan

jon richardson

mark watson

nish kumar

aisling bea

victoria coren-mitchell

david mitchell

lee mack

katherine parkinson

morgana robinson

bridget christie

adrian edmondson

rik mayall

nigel planer

noel fielding

bradley walsh

dawn french

jennifer saunders

claudia winkleman

+ defo some more i forgot.. oops

my favourite films:

the lost boys

the wedding singer

drop dead fred

back to the future

grosse pointe blank

bill & ted (all films)

the blues brothers

ghostbusters

trading places

pet semetary

karate kid (all films)

monty python.. (again)

gremlins

beetlejuice

+ more!!

favourite food: mashed potatoes, pot noodle (chicken and mushroom OBVIOUSLY!!)

i play guitar and my dream is to be in a band. i want to be a comedian and a film director too!!

i am super duper open for becoming friends/moots, so pls message me!!!! :-)

“viva el presidente!!” - vyvyan basterd

[ghostbustersconfessions]

Not rage bait /gen: I don't understand the hype for Lars. Granted I haven't seen the movie fully yet, just bits and pieces, so I could be missing something huge that is making everyone go gaga for him? But as it is I just can't figure it out so

If anyone wants to defend the hype I fully welcome it plz

okay undrops the anvil from your head

definitely fully see the movie. that will definitely help. here are some reasons, just coming from me personally.

he's attractive. in a lot of people's opinion including mine. hes cute, he has glasses, so theres that.

he's played by james acaster. i, among many others, love james acaster. this is honestly a big reason why people like lars. james acaster is a genuinely funny guy, huge trans rights supporter, super pro-mental health and shares his stories with mental health frequently, hes just generally one hell of a guy.

his character in the movie takes over the role of the egon spengler-like chracter. people love egon.

to add to the last one, his design is HEAVILY based on the design for egon in the real ghostbusters cartoon. which is just a cool nod

his character does play a pretty big role in the movie. its not like hes just some side character people are going crazy over. hes the main scientist for winston's company, and his character kind of shows us around the new lab where the ghostbusters stuff goes on. he also gets his hand frostbitten by the main villain, and gets puked on by pukey. people love a pathetic little man.

theres plenty more reasons, but those are just some off the top of my head!! hope this helps /gen

[machrealgirl]

HEY. PSST. IF YOU WANT TO. GIVE ME. SOME SORT OF REFERENCE/ COLLECTION OF IMAGES THAT DESCRIBE THE PHYSICAL APPEARANCE OF ONE OF YOUR OCS. I COULD PERHAPS. DRAW THEM 👀👀👀👀

Only one of them tho unfortunately I Have too Much to do but I want a slight break from my animatic that isn't just. Drawing Jon. Because I'm already doing that in the animatic. So y'know. *Gestures wildly like a nervous car salesman trying very hard to get you to buy a car* Give me your ocs to draw please thank you(if you want to)

HSDJKDKEE THANK YOU THAT'D BE SO COOL AND AWESOME!!!! ok below i have gathered images i think best describe what my ocs look like and u can choose from that

mark "mars" oliver basically looks like james acaster in my head so uhh the guy [thumbs up emoji]

rachel prado @cool-person-yey already drew some fucking banger art for so here's that!! (hope it's okay for me to post this lol i love it. so much)

samis...uhh....i really don't know how to describe them via image. just try your best to imagine a hot guy wearing a big jacket open with no shirt on underneath and tight black leather pants and huge combat boots and straight black hair tied back in a manbun and sunglasses and a facemask. and a lot of fog around them. ok. god i can picture them so vividly yet they only exist within my head

[greatestwizardofthisage]

The Bad Kids and their taste in music:

Gorgug: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - Gorgug will listen to anything and everything. I feel like at the start of freshman year he would definitely be listening to more of the angsty stuff (evanescence no doubt…) but as he gets more into music with Fig i feel like he’d just be listening to anything he can get his hands on and finding something to love about every song he hears. He would find the most obscure bands and by merch for bands that literally no one has ever heard of, but he would also love a lot of mainstream music as well. Nothing is beneath him, he has respect for all of it. (basically he’s fantasy james acaster). I also feel like he would be the kind of person to change up what he’s listening to depending on who he’s with? And he would definitely have hundreds of playlists made to fit whatever other people want to hear for when he’s allowed to choose the music. He would also probably be the only one whos allowed to choose the music when the bad kids all hang out just because hes the only one with music in common with each of the bad kids, so they know all their favourite music will be included. But when it’s just him alone he’s for sure just playing all his music on shuffle, jumping through genres like nobody's business, and everyone else thinks hes crazy for that.

Fig: definitely starts freshman year with a complicated relationship to music. I like to think that pre teifling discovery she would be very into pop music - but not just whatever was on the radio. I think she would have still taken pride in having great music taste, it just would have been more poppy and cheerful than what she’s starts listening to at the start of the freshman year. She would then make the transition to punk music and i think she’d be one of those ‘i was born in the wrong generation’ people for a little while. But later on, when she starts becoming more comfortable in herself, and she starts to forgive her parents, i think she’d become nostalgic for the music that used to mean so much to her, and she’d start introducing back into her playlists. (She would LOVE punk covers of pop songs). I think for Fig sharing her favourite music with other people would be a really big deal. Like I think she would always be trying to get people to listen to obscure punk bands, and would be doing it in a kind of jokey way, but once she actually starts to trust you and form a bond, thats when she starts recomending her real favourites, and thats when it becomes more serious. She would for sure be the kind of person to take it personally if you dont like her favourite song. (for this reason Gorgug is her favourite person to share music with) She would absolutly LOVE introducing Ayda to all her favourite bands. Ayda is the only person who can tell Fig she doesn't like her music without it being an issue.

Kristen: Like Fig I feel like she would end up with a very complicated relationship to music. She would start the year listening to nothing but helioic music - she would know all the 'cool' helio songs, as well as the cheesy kids songs they sing at camp, and the more traditional songs they sing at church. For a long time that would be the only music she knew. As she starts to lose her faith, she would probably just stop listening to music entierly, finding it hard to figure out what she actually likes to listen to. When she eventually starts listening to music again she would 100% be the kind of person to find a new song, fall in love with it, listen to it a million times, and then never listen to it again. She goes through songs quicker than she goes through new deities. She is consantly asking her friends to recomend her new music because shes sick of everything shes currently got downloaded. I think sometimes she would get nostalgic for the old helioic music, but then she'd listen to .5 seconds of a song and realise just how god awful it really was and it would leave her feeling just really lost and dissapointed for a while. It would be just another thing from her childhood that has lost all of the usual warmth nostalgia brings and instead just leaves a sour taste in her mouth.

Riz: Riz would start the year claiming to be one of those people who just 'isnt really into music'. He doesnt have time to be listening to music when there are so many mysteries to solve. He would probably tolerate other people playing music around him but probably wouldnt enjoy it. Fig would be absolutly outraged to hear this and would make it her mission to find something he likes. She goes through like every genre she can think of and hes just indifferent to all of it, then one day gorgug would reccomend something really bizzare and obscure (like fantasy drowned shrimp) and Riz would just lose his mind over it, just immediatly obssessed, and Fig would just be absolutly baffled. (i can also low key see him really like fantasy Canterbury Scene, specifically fantasy Caravn)

Fabian: I'm sorry I feel like I'm always shitting on Fabian but he would absolutly have the worst taste in music out of all the bad kids. He grew up on a combo of weird elven music, sea shanties, and whatever was playing on the fantasy radio. I fully believe he would be the kind of person who couldnt tell the difference between good music and shitty cash grab music if it hit him in the face. This would cause endless arguements between him and Fig where he would defend his taste in music to the death while Fig gets more and more frustrated trying to show him actual Good Music only to be met with complete indifference. HOWEVER this would completely change in sophmore year, after his journey of self discovery. He would have to learn more about music to facilitate his dancing and i feel like he'd have like a full on epiphany of like 'oh that music really is shit...' He would stubbornly not admit it to Fig, just discreetly ask Gorgug for some recomendations of good High Elven music that he can dance to.

Adaine: Similar to Kristen and Fabian in that she only ever listened to what her parents played her. She grew up exclusivly on Classical Elven music. I feel like she probably wouldnt even really know that there was other music out there? Or maybe she was aware but just felt decision paralysis trying to find something new to listen to. I think her transition to other music would be very slow, and she would always use Classical as her background music for when shes studdying. I can see Adaine loving songs with complex lyrics (I'm thinking fantasy Mitski, and fantasy Hozier type lyrics.) Then one day shes invited along to a cig figs gig and she would discover a whole new style of music and fall slightly in love. Punk deffinitly wouldnt be her favourite genre, but it would be so perfect for the days when shes feeling particularly bad about her shitty childhood, and Fig would absolutly support that. Adaine definitly wouldnt like anything too heavy, the proper loud, screamy songs just a bit too jarring, so Fig would take the time to hand pick the most low key punk songs she can find for Adaine. (she has definitly made her more than one mix CD, Adaine treasures every single one)

[captainhunnicutt]

9 of my favorite films that I watched for the first time this year!

Thank you to @amrv-5 for tagging me. Kisses.

I have never been one to sit and watch movies. It's annoyed family and friends for as long as I can remember. It's not something I ever set out to do or even think about doing, and when @pomegranate suggested I get Letterboxd, I primarily was going to use it to rate Mike movies and forget about it. Instead, it's helped me watch 34 movies (28 new to me) movies. Picking 9 of my favorites (excluding ones I've seen before, which I think were all Christmas movies), means you get essentially 1/3 of my viewing list. Enjoy.

Memento (2000), dir. Christopher Nolan -- The way this was shot is batshit insane, and I was entranced from the get go. There's nothing I can say that won't spoil the movie. It's one of those you watch it once and your mind gets blown. You watch it a second time to figure out how the fuck you missed so much.

The Mephisto Waltz (1971), dir. Paul Wendkos -- I'm in my lusting over Alan Alda phase, which if I'm being honest, was probably always going to happen someday. This movie did something to my brain. I've been rewired. I was on the dog's side the entire movie.

James Acaster: Hecklers Welcome (2004), dir. Stuart Laws -- I am horribly late to the Acaster party. Shame on me, right? Anyway, if you were ever curious about the type of man that really gets me going - he embodies it. This had me laughing from start to finish, and that's saying something because I'm not usually one to enjoy watching stand-up comedy. I find it funnier when you're in the same room. But this? Chef's kiss.

Will & Harper (2024), dir. Josh Greenbaum -- This year, I have learned a lot. I've learned a lot about people and myself. I wouldn't say I've been "sheltered," per se - but never exposed to a lot and therefore had to fuck up and learn and fuck up some more. This just resonated with me. I can and want to do better.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004), dir. Michel Gondry -- I avoided this movie like the plague, because I hate Jim Carrey as a serious actor. I somehow went 20 years not ever having anything spoiled for me, and I'm really glad I didn't. It deserves the decades of hype.

The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951), dir. Robert Wise -- I love science fiction, but a very specific type of science fiction. I love the trope of some alien being comes to warn or assist humanity. It's overdone, I know, but it's one of the reasons I adore The Twilight Zone as much as I do - and this movie falls directly into that trope. Even if the idea of some being from outer space coming to attempt to save humanity from itself isn't up your alley, the underlying messages of what humanity should do better still ring true today.

Inside Out 2 (2024), dir. Kelsey Mann -- "I don’t know how to stop anxiety. Maybe we can’t. Maybe this is what happens when you grow up. You feel less joy." These two sentences alone absolutely destroyed me. In a year where everything that could go wrong went wrong, in a year of self-discovery and having to come to terms with things I thought I had tucked safely in a box and locked away, I have felt so much anxiety and little joy - and that's okay. It's always okay.

The Hunger Games: Ballads of Songbirds & Snakes (2023), dir. Francis Lawerence -- Fuck me, I'm predictable. I love this franchise, and I love how downright brutal this movie was. Nothing intelligent to say about it. I'll leave you with my Letterboxd review: "'Now I know the whole world is an arena,' & 'It's the things we love most, that destroy us.' It's a shame this movie didn't come out during the heart of AOL Instant Messenger. Those two lines are perfect away messages."

Requiem for a Dream (2000), dir. Darren Aronofsky -- Just... is Aronofsky okay? I legitimately felt like I needed to check myself into rehab after watching this film, and I don't partake in any drugs. It's got this... early 00's color palette that if you were around during those years you know exactly what I mean. It's beautifully shot, but it will honest to God leave you wondering if you will ever be happy again.

If you want to follow along on my movie viewing in 2025, please feel free to add me on Letterboxd. Tagging anyone who feels like doing this.

[lewiswhatshisname]

Remember at the beginning of series 7 when James Acaster asked if they were the stupidest panel yet?

No. S7 were chaos, but 5 were across the board terminally stupid. I love all of them and it’s one of my favourite series, but it has to be said, every single one of them could have been the useless one on any other series. The whole series has the energy of six idiot children being left alone outside unsupervised, because even Alex had his moments in this regard. At one point in ep7 during the coconut task, he stomps on a fire extinguisher and then gets surprised that the damn thing explodes.

But aside from Nish, they all kind of just kind of flapped about, bumblefucking their way through and largely relying on everyone else fucking up just as much as their own performance. There are so many zeroes and disqualifications in this series that even by the last episode it really was anyone's game (aside from Nish, who was just there).

The whole panel spent the entire studio record rolling over in peals of laughter, and were probably responsible for the current rule of not reacting to tasks before playback. The amount of telegraphing they did was delightful, Mark and Aisling especially just dying in their seats whenever tasks were announced.

This was the series where Bob Mortimer walked into the room, and his first question upon seeing a strange woman was to ask if the task was to physically assault her. The one where the best plan to get a coconut the farthest from the house was to give it to Alex and put him on a bike (a plan which still failed, because the actual plan was the mail it to fucking Fiji). The one where Mark, Sally, and Aisling all got zero points on their own solo tasks, and where a tie break was decided by asking the audience who should win because neither Bob nor Sally completed the damn thing anyway (and then going against what said audience member decided).

I love series 7 for being chaotic and mental, but James can rest safely knowing that his panel is not the stupidest panel the show has seen. I think that title still, to this day, belongs to series 5, and they may hold onto that title for a while yet. I love all of them but my god there was something wrong with that group.

[panelshowsource]

I went to see Ed Gamble last night at the Hackney Empire for his Hot Diggity Dog show.

Just before the support act, Chloe Petts, was about to start, some people took their seats beside me. One of them had a baseball cap pulled down right over his face. I briefly looked at him and realised it was James Acaster!!

Not only did I finally get to see Ed live, I was sitting beside James all night. It was such an added bonus. I didn't speak to him as he was making it clear he didn't want to be recognised.

I just wanted to share my experience from the show with others as it was such a cool moment.

aww what a twist to your experience! i probably would have found that monumentally distracting hahaha (one time ben whishaw sat behind me in a cinema and i paid attention to literally 0 minutes of the 2 hour film hahaha) but i'm glad you found it so fun 🥹 it always warms my heart just how supportive comedians are of each other's shows! (this includes how much ed has been gassing up his openers on ig, so lovely!) i really believe they are each other's biggest fans :')

so glad you had a good time!

idk if i've said this before but hot diggity dog is the BEST fucking tour name ever especially for ed, it just cracks me up